


Stutter

by Partnachklamm



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19131199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Partnachklamm/pseuds/Partnachklamm
Summary: “I was thinking,” he tries again, swallowing against tight throat. “We should break up.”





	Stutter

His thighs, slick with sweat, shake above Ushijima’s own.

 

“So, I was thinking.” 

 

The words, out of place in this heat, slip out as Sugawara’s eyes close tight. He can feel that stern gaze on him, boring into his lids, inquisitive and waiting for more. But his thoughts stumble as he lowers his hips onto waiting cock. 

 

Sugawara’s holding him steady by the base with hand prodding his own cheeks to make way for the girth. Even after all this time, it proves somewhat hard to get him in on the first try, with bulbous head shoving against puckering tightness. His fingers threaten to shake, only hidden by the wet grip he has around venous rubber, his resolve tearing with tight breaths. With a failed push the length slips out of his hand, sliding between the lube coating his crack before Sugawara regains a solid grip, an annoyed sigh on his tongue. Ushijima, in his quiet patience beneath him, reaches up to press hands into shivering hips. 

 

“Koushi.” His name aches onto him, through his skin, Ushijima exhaling heavy on his lips with nose nudging his own in rare softness. The contact pulls strings taut in his throat. Sugawara can’t will his lids open, not now; not when he’s unsure whether his eyes will gleam wet from the ache in his chest nor when he’s pulling his own ass apart to finally nudge Ushijima in. 

 

He sinks with a sigh that had threatened to burst for too long, hiding the minute pain, feeling the throbbing through his hips. It’s welcomed back like itching embrace, chest curling under the familiarity of it all. His eyes slide open. 

 

Ushijima sits under him as he did before, back leaning to the headboard. His hands, once holding him steady, now press forgotten into the creases of where thighs meet hips. Even straddling the towering loaf he still only sits eye to eye, Sugawara realizes with chagrin, but quickly pulls his face away from searching gaze to nip at his ear. Right now, more than he could ever imagine it to be, his confidence has wilted to dust. His own hands, small and curling against steeled chest, itch to wrap around and pull skin flush to his own. 

 

Sugawara rocks in trepidation as his mouth gapes against him at the pull. He feels so full he could tear but he never does, always prepared and stretched until he’s whining for the rest, begging and pliant to any touch granted. But this time he’s in control, daring his own tempo, sliding hips up to work a pattern on the cock that’s shaped his insides for longer than necessary. He catches the mewls before they leave his mouth. 

 

“I was thinking,” he tries again, swallowing against tight throat. “We should break up.”

 

Ushijima’s breath, hot against his cheek, blows steady without pause. Sugawara’s glad he didn’t give in to his ache and mold their chests together because nothing would be able to hide the furious beating of his heart. These words have cluttered his head for weeks and now, staining the air around them. They sound formless in their echo. They’re contradictory to the own burning at his stomach, his own straining cock swaying at the click of his thrusts. 

 

But Ushijima’s hands reach up to grip his biceps. “Koushi, stop.”

 

Sugawara stutters his hips but doesn’t cease his rocking before Ushijima’s palms crawl to the underside of his hips. A weight sinks in his stomach at the movement. What is he doing? Sugawara can’t budge in his hold, growing uncomfortable at the thickness inside of him, his pulse jittering in his mouth. He expects Ushijima to lean his head back and lock their eyes, urge him to explain himself, burn him with his own harsh tongue. But he doesn’t. Instead, thick digits dig into his soft skin.

 

Sugawara lets out a shaky breath against his ear. “Ushiji—”

 

A strangled yelp jumps from his throat as Ushijima’s hips slam up into his own. Sugawara scrambles in his grip, slipping on wet chest as he’s bounced forward and up without restraint. Ushijima shifts on his heels, knees bending to piston into him with fervor. He can barely breathe with the pressure ramming into him, crude slaps of his ass to groin and face red at the loss of will. 

 

“Wait,” he’s wailing into Ushijima’s ear, arms now squeezing around thick neck. Teeth scrape against his nape with every thrust. “You’re going too—!”

 

But his begging falls to deaf ears as Ushijima pounds up recklessly. Calling this unexpected was an understatement, Sugawara thought helplessly while he attempted to pull away from Ushijima’s grip. His shift against his arms only succeeded in pushing him deeper on his length, feeling the flesh of Ushijima’s balls hit his own with shallow ruts. Sugawara expected an indifferent glance, a solemn word or two of “I see” or “Fine” or whatever toneless phrase was always quick on his lips before he pulled away for good. Sugawara did not, however, predict he’d be fucked until he bruised. 

 

He feels a rough hand clutch his leaking erection to pump it furiously. Sugawara buckles under his touch, tears clouding his eyes and fingers pulling at Ushijima’s own, hoping to pry open his grasp around sensitive skin. “Ushijima, please. _Stop._ ”

 

Even with his desperate nails clawing at Ushijima’s knuckles, his grip tightens and pace hastens. Sugawara shudders against his chest. He knocks their heads together in anger, frustrated at his arousal, aching in his coming burst, and finally finds Ushijima’s frenzied gaze on his. He looks lost from his body, escaped from this room, mouth parted from pants with pupils blown. The state of the man in front of him scares Sugawara. Moans fall freely from his mouth into Ushijima’s own. 

 

He’s all but given into his touch when thick hips begin to fall out of rhythm underneath him. Hot walls close around him, tightening at his widening girth before Ushijima comes with a guttural grunt. His hips jerk in pumps, still trying to thrust in the throes of his orgasm, before slapping still to where they’re joined to settle in their heat. 

 

It’s still so much to bear. Sugawara’s chest buckles as Ushijima continues to stroke his length, thumb digging into his slit to finish him off. It’s a pain he’s used to and craves but hates that his body can’t resist in this moment. With an arm locked around his back and one on his cock, Sugawara rocks Ushijima against his prostate until he’s tightening below and crying at release. He keens at his spurting, ears red at the noise, lewd jets of cum slicking their chests and gushing up to catch under Ushijima’s chin. Sugawara collapses on his chest, uncaring of the mess. 

 

Cooling breaths fill the silence but Sugawara won’t chance a look at Ushijima’s face. There’s no doubt he heard what he said, but this reaction was inexplicable nevertheless—or at the least, out of character for Ushijima. The sex seemed frantic, desperate, too brusque. Was he angry? Sugawara couldn’t blame him. But rash and Ushijima were not two sounds uttered together. Ever. Sugawara, eyes burning from sudden fatigue, let his cheek sit against hard shoulder before feeling now limp cock slip out from him. He twitches. 

 

Broad chest tilts forward, pulling Sugawara from his thoughts. He slides off and onto his stomach on the bed, lube still in gobs between his thighs, apathetic and boneless. The bed dips and he holds his breath. He listens as plastic snaps and foil crinkles under hold. Ushijima’s cleaning up; he’s predictable in his actions, completing tasks as they come and efficient to the point of pulling out hair, in Sugawara’s case. It was unnerving, with his actions straightforward but his emotions under lock and key.

 

Ushijima pads to the bathroom, runs the water quickly before returning. A wet swipe along his cheeks startles Sugawara, tensing at the tenderness of the rag. 

 

“Hey.” He mentally pats himself on the back for preventing his voice from cracking. Ushijima stays silent at his place behind him, continuing in his cleaning. 

 

Sugawara stretches his toes, cracking. “Did you hear me?”

 

“Yes, I heard you.” A hand rests on the back of his thigh. “You said, ‘Hey.’”

 

“What? No—” He lets slip a stiff huff. “You know what I meant.”

 

Ushijima stays quiet. Still wiping, still testing. 

 

“You know… about us.”

 

It’s a moment or two before Ushijima finishes with the rag. He leans away, shadows playing over Sugawara, weight tipping on the bed. “Yes. I know. But, I am confused.”

 

“...About?”

 

His lungs stay tight, face pressed into the cooling sheets. “I wasn’t aware we were dating.”

 

Well, shit. 

 

“Heh.” Sugawara prays Ushijima can’t hear the tightness in his throat. Prays the bunching of sheets near his nose can hide the lines forming on his face. “Whatever, then.”

He’s so stupid, he thinks, getting himself this worked up and thrown into a threadbare relationship that wasn’t real in the first place. He sits up, back curled from that irritatingly unreadable stare, considering the course of their connection. It was stumbled into, unprecedented and rough but something he, in retrospect, might have pushed onto Ushijima who could find no strong reason to reject his soft smiles and mischief. Maybe it was curiosity that pushed this brick of a man to touch him. He kissed him one crawling, hot afternoon, refreshingly clumsy on open lips, Sugawara gaping and colorless in his wake. And now…

 

Now Sugawara wants to get out of here as fast he can. 

 

He turns, reaching for his shirt found hanging off the bed when Ushijima grabs his wrist. “What are you doing?”

 

“What do you mean, ‘What am I doing?’ I’m leaving.”

 

Ushijima blinks. “Why?”

 

Sugawara flexes in his grip, eyebrows arching, before giving a brutal yank to his arm. His hold is too tight. “Let go, asshole.”

 

“I don’t understand why you’re angry.”

 

“I shouldn’t have to explain it to you!”

 

“If you could, it would be helpful.”

 

There’s a one-sided struggle on the bed as Sugawara pulls at his arm, using his body weight to leverage against his hold. Ushijima watches on, boring into him, statuesque compared to his frantic struggle. He wants to cry. If he could just crawl away, back into his clothes, back to his cramped apartment, back into his life four months ago of endless limbo and questioning glances he’d be able to put this behind him. But being stuck at an impasse is a broken record for him. This should be no different. Yet, it pools inside him like nothing before. 

 

With a curdled noise from his throat, Sugawara goes limp in his hold, giving up. He sinks as far away from Ushijima as he can get. “This is the worst.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Stop asking ‘Why!’” The sound is loud and raw. Ushijima doesn’t balk under his glare. “How could you not see this is embarrassing?”

 

There’s a minute furrow of his thick eyebrows and Sugawara almost lets out a laugh at finally making Ushijima react. “How is this… embarrassing?”

 

Now he does really laugh. “You mean besides thinking we were dating for these past four months? That couldn’t _possibly_ be it.”

 

“But you have never said we were dating before.”

 

Sugawara winds up, ready to retort, before freezing. Ushijima is right: he hasn’t. “...But! I—”

 

“And it doesn’t seem like you want to date me.”

 

He balks, face twisting. “Why would you say that?”

 

Without realizing, he’s either leaned closer or Ushijima has edged nearer, crowding him between his shoulders. There’s a tight line where his lips should meet. Sugawara feels his heart leap to his throat.

 

Brown hair, Sugawara realizes now slightly damp from sweat, sways as Ushijima tilts his head towards his. He looks almost ready to kiss him, olive eyes unconsciously flicking down to his lips and back to relock onto angry face. Sugawara looks away, suddenly nervous. 

 

“You don’t seem to like sleeping next to me.” they’re close enough for Sugawara to feel Ushijima’s breath warm on his face. “And, you always look uncomfortable when I touch you.”

 

Sugawara swallows. It’s true. When their bodies have cooled from pursuit, Ushijima will throw an arm over hips and trap him to his chest, fingers pressed at the knobs of his spine. Sugawara always hoped he wouldn’t feel his pulse shooting through his body, tensing from the intimacy of holding one close after sex. He’d inch out, when Ushijima’s breaths evened out and deepened in the early hours, and would collect his things and leave. He couldn’t let him know how much more he cared about how Ushijima would hold his attention. The consequences were too terrifying to consider. 

 

He shudders in, blinking rapidly. “That’s because… I’m scared.”

 

“Scared?” If Sugawara knew any better he’d consider Ushijima’s tone incredulous. “Of me?”

 

“No,” he corrects quickly, shifting on his hips. “Scared of you finding out.”

 

“...Finding out about what?”

 

“About my feelings.” His voice is small in the space they’ve created. “About my feelings for you.”

 

Sugawara hails out a shaky breath before looking to Ushijima. His eyes are searching, eyebrows furrowed to form an expression that Sugawara’s sure he’s never seen him make. But then, it relaxes. 

 

“Ah,” He turns, leaning on his free palm and looks off to the window. “Ah.”

 

It’s barely evening and the sunlight burns old against the curtains. Only strips of shine make it through the room, down the wooden floors and painting bronze on Ushijima’s knees. He stares out, through the fabric and wisps. Even with a few hours of light left, he’s still tired. He sighs and closes his eyes. 

 

Sugawara feels his arm go slack from Ushijima’s grip a little too late and falls back to the bed, swallowing an awkward yelp. Before he can recover Ushijima’s crawled over him, boxing in his chest with his arms. 

 

“Koushi.” His eyes are hot on his own. 

 

“Huh?”

 

“I love you.” His shoulders shift, muscles moving under skin. 

 

Sugawara’s face burns. His nose crumbles, ugly in its scrunching, to fight back the tightness in his eyes.

 

“I want to be with you. For as long as you’ll have me. I apologize for not telling you sooner.”

 

His words reverberate throughout his skin. They’re staining his insides, messing up his plans, obliterating any control he thought he had. He’s fucked. He’s been fucked since the beginning. Ushijima could see right through him, all this time. 

 

He shoves the heels of his palms into his eyes. They’re wet. “Don’t be so lame.” 

 

There’s a shift in the bed, before Ushijima’s forehead meets his. “Look at me,” he commands.

 

The voice is low in his bones. He can’t move. 

 

A soft kiss presses to his lips. Fleeting, quaint. “Look at me.”

 

He moves his hands, brushing accidentally against Ushijima’s cheeks, and opens his eyes. They’re so close he’s not sure how he’s breathing. Noses press to each other, coarser hair tickling his forehead and mixing with fine grey. His eyes are heavy and still. He’s waiting. That bastard. 

 

Face blotchy, he chances a breath with voice small against Ushijima’s lips. “I love you, too.”

 

When Ushijima’s eyes crease as he smiles, Sugawara remembers only one other time he’s seen his face light up like so. They were having an insignificant conversation, more Sugawara than Ushijima, and in his disregard for tact he’d said something crude, or corny, or something to Ushijima’s stony exterior. He can’t remember all the details, now that he thinks about it, but he could never forget how he tilted his head, crinkled his eyes and let a smile curl his lip just like now. 

 

He can’t believe after all this time, dancing around his feet and avoiding heartbreak, they’ve felt the same way. 

 

He tilts up his chin to press his lips to Ushijima’s own. It’s soft and brief, followed by another, before Sugawara’s arms snake around thick neck to lick into his mouth. But Ushijima drifts away and plops to his side instead.

 

He nuzzles his nose into soft cheek before sliding an arm around to trap Sugawara down. "I’m tired.”

 

Sugawara blows out against his bangs. “You tease.”

 

Olive eyes linger on his face, drawing one last map, only to flicker close. 

 

Sugawara relaxes under his hold, finally, for once. He feels so light, and embarrassingly giddy, as if ready to curl up and dream about a summer love. But now, there’s no need. He’s right here. He bites back a grin. 

 

“Hey,” he pokes his feet against longer legs. “I’m hungry.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“Get up. Let’s order some food.”

 

“Mn.”

 

Sugawara huffs, biting back a smile. “Don’t be lazy. We haven’t eaten all day.”

 

“Later.” His arm, still heavy on his chest, pulls Sugawara closer than before. “Nap.”

 

He tenses, then sinks into his hold. “Okay.”

 

Ushijima is always quick to fall asleep. Sugawara wonders if its because his mind is clear and settled, as sure in thought as he is in action. He’s never seen him hesitate at a barrier, nor lie to hide his flaws. It’s all there, laid out before him. No skeletons; just words true. He loves him. If he could overflow he would, just from being under the shadow Ushijima has built. The space he has made for them both and finally shown. 

 

He smiles, turning his face into Ushijima’s own. “For as long as you’ll have me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
